Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/03/07 05:05:22 PM |
Age 49, OH |
I really agree with this article. My husband and I both wanted me to stay home with our children (3 girls)...with doing this right from the beginning we were use to just one income. I never regretted that decision. It is hard when a husband and wife both work and then a baby comes and the mother wants to stay home with her child. Going down to one income is a big change and sacrifices may have to be made, but it can be done as two of my daughters have done this since they started their families. It isn't always easy, but it is so worth it in the long run. The most important thing to me was for my daughters to grow up and live for the Lord and they do. Now they are passing their heritage on to their children. Our choices do have an impact on our children's spiritual lives. thank you for writing about this topic.
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Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/03/07 04:35:33 PM |
Age 18, FL |
I only agree with this article to a certain extent. I believe that it is ok to move out of a house because you want more room, even if your family consists of two parents and two toddlers. Different people have different needs and even preferences. I also do not think that there is a problem with a little boy partaking in many different activities in the same week (so long as he can handle it). No, we should not take part in these activities to "keep up with the neighbors". But, it is important to remember that different people have different needs and not everyone functions the same way. While men are supposed to provide for their family's financial needs, that doesn't mean that all women must stay home (though in many cases this is what's best for the family). I think we need to remember that and not try to create a formula for every family to live by.
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Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/03/07 03:29:42 PM |
Age 26, WA |
Well said! The amazing thing is that it is so obvious, especially since we are now a couple generations into this crazy 2-income family life style and those who grew up with working moms ought to know first-hand that it isn't worth it, and yet my own friends in the church still often fall into the trap! Feminism seaped into our spirits somehow, telling us not only that we CAN do whatever we want but that we MUST or we are failing the female race. In the same breath it also stole away the intrinsic value of homemaking and childrearing as a noble, valuable, LEGITIMATE profession, a real job worthy of our full energy and creativity. Feminism told us that we come first and self-sacrifice is not only wrong but actually harmful to our children. Many moms try the path but fail to re-train their thoughts to affirm their work at home as work to really work at and get better at and pour their creativity and energy into. Instead they look for reprieve from their "entrapment" at home and squander their enery and attention elsewhere and wind up back in the workforce when their kids enter school, where they are once again doing "real" work and pour themselves into it. WHO DESERVES MY TIME, ENERGY, GIFTS, CREATIVITY, EDUCATION, LOVE, AND WORK MORE THAN THE CHILDREN GOD HAS ENTRUSTED TO ME? MY BRAINS ARE NOT WASTED ON MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN. NO! MY GIFTS ARE MULTIPLIED IN THE LIVES OF THESE LITTLE ONES! Please, moms,let us examine our thinking and our assumptions and renew our minds with the scripture - our kids need us!
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- Re: Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/04/07 02:55:54 PM | | Age 28, TX |
I personally wonder how many "ADHD" kids would do better with Mom at home, rather than being passed to people who have neither inclination nor desire to deal with "difficult" children. I know that I would have been on drugs by age six had someone else had to put up with my antics.--Mrs. Pilgrim
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Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/03/07 03:07:46 PM |
Age 30, WA |
You hit the nail on the head Ingrid! I am living proof that working full time and raising a family is almost impossible. In order to make it work you compromise quality time with your family, your health, your spiritual life and giving your time to your church or other organization. It is no picnic. I long for a simpler life where I could stay with my children and be their primary caregiver and teacher, but the way the economy is, it is almost impossible. Especially since my husband has a different world view than myself. He believes the woman needs to hold a career also so that we can afford the things he thinks are necessary. Unfortunately many men are thinking this way these days. They don't want the responsibility of supporting the family financially, they want to share it with the wife. Woman are also looked down on by their working, career woman peers when they don't acheive a college degree and career. Stay at home moms are being criticized as being lazy. We are not all superwomans and we never will be. That is what the world wants us to be - superwomans. Their priorities are not the children of the future, they are on success, money and things. We need to get back to the bible and see what God says about this. I'm sure He would not agree with what is going on in the world today!
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Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/03/07 02:13:00 PM |
Age 54, OK |
That times have changed is a serious understatement. Costs have changed seriously disproportionate to income, especially housing. We tried to be a stay-at-home-mom family and now we're paying the price. Not being a high paid professional I'm stuck in Lou Dobbs' war on the middle class. As I approach age 55 we're stuck renting, and short on college funds among other things. Planning isn't enough. When costs exceed income and every effort to overcome falls short where do you turn? Greed is compromising the ability of the middle class to make ends meet, especially on one income. A few "success" stories are no comfort to the many who can't keep up with real costs of living. We have nothing left to cut.
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Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/03/07 01:28:33 PM |
Age 47, GA |
To some extent you are correct. It is best for all concerned if children have a mother that is not stretched too far. Small children, up to age 5 or so need Mom most of the time.
That said, women know fairly early if thier lives will be best spent as support systems for other people or if they have some real value to add to society. Many years spent in child rearing will make it very difficult for a woman with an empty nest to compete in the business or artistic world. Life goes by so quickly...humans, male and female, need to be honest when they are young about what they want to do in their lives, then they need to do it.
I am an uneasy feminist. I want you to be able to stay home with babies or even just a husband and cat - but I don't want to see working women become Christianity's third class, constantly stressed by the idea that her sisters and brothers really think she is letting down the home team by working.
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- Re: Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/04/07 02:58:43 PM | | Age 28, TX |
Even if you hadn't pronounced yourself a feminist, I would have known it from your self-betrayal. Thank you for letting me know that being a "support system" for my husband and daughter does not add "real value" to the world.--Mrs. Pilgrim
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Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/03/07 11:22:38 AM |
Age 55, FL |
I agree wholeheartedly that it's possible to live on one income if you choose a lifestyle of contentment with the basics. We lived on one income from the beginning of our marriage and saved. Our vacations were visits to family, then camping in state parks. Our children learned to live simply and enjoy the outdoors. We didn't even have a television when they were younger so they weren't distracted by the mixed messages. Training children to be Godly young men and women requires undistracted focus from parents and staying home with four children is a fulltime job in itself; then we added homeschooling - another fulltime job. Our grown children choose to shop for bargains, stay out of debt, and save money. God has blessed our choices.
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Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/03/07 10:36:54 AM |
Age 41, ENGLAND |
Amen Sister.
I`ve just given up a part time job so that I can homeschool my daughter and keep up with the house work. I can identify with the "exhaustion" factor. My schedule was jam packed and even with my husbands help we just could not do everything that was needed to run the home. He is also very busy with his own business and what with Sunday being written off (in one sense) for church activities the level of stress had become intolerable at home.
So yes, we do have less money coming into the home but on the other hand we spend less on convenience foods and takeaways which before hand we would buy because there was no time to cook.
It makes sense to have one of you as home manager and the other as bread winner. Life is a lot less complicated!
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Re: Stressed Out Moms: Feminism's Dirty Little Secret
| Posted On: 10/03/07 07:43:39 AM |
Age 35, IL |
I think even stay at home moms are stressed out because we were not trained by the older generations to care for our homes and children. Instead we were taught and trained how to seek contentment and work outside the home. We are taught that we deserve a lot of carefree time and lots of money to spend how we want.
It is a struggle to find contentment in being home all day changing diapers and cleaning knowing the world is passing by. It is hard being trained in our culture to realize the whole world is in your home.
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