Posted: 04/22/09

Am I Just Tired of Relevance?

Jim Elliff

Am I just tired of relevance, or what? I received the umpteenth glossy card in the mail this week from yet another church opening a brand new "state-of-the-art" facility in our city. It claimed the usual: "casual atmosphere, contemporary music, relevant messages and friendly people who genuinely care about each other." Of course, I like all that stuff.

Twenty-one years ago I shamelessly (and naively) attended a church growth conference in California where this very marketing technique was being explained. Its been done SO many times and is right out of the church growth handbooks. However, it's the inuendos from the rest of the card that bother me most.

This shinny oversized card explained the top ten reasons why people don't go to church. Among them were the following humorous statements:

Can't find a polyester leisure suit anywhere, relate to jazz and rock more than Handel and Bach, would rather sleep in own bed than in a pew, one word: hypocrites!, already served time as a child, I gave at the office, during organ music, start craving ballpark hot dogs, can only remember three commandments, and, feel guilty enough already.

Let's go through the top ten list:

1. Can't find a polyester leisure suit anywhere. Right off I knew this church is too narrow for me. I prefer a church that is not biased against the poor man, the old man who hasn't bought new clothes in years, and the retro dresser.

2. Relate to jazz and rock more than Handel and Bach. Again, way too narrow. What about the music lover who has a heart for God whose tastes in music are broad. Seems rather exclusive to make things uninviting for anyone who would love Bach, the greatest believing composer of all time. And, of course they would not want the country music lover or the foreigner who just can't get into our western rock. Never.

3. Would rather sleep in own bed than in pew. Anything wrong with sleeping in your own bed and staying awake in the pew? This statement assumes that fellow churches a person might choose, even those that might include true believers, must be dull in comparison to their church. Now that really helps the advancement of the kingdom of God, doesn't it?

4. One word: hypocrites. Now what is this supposed to imply? Is it this church's way of saying that all other churches but their own are filled with hypocrites. Come on! I thought they welcomed sinners.

5. Already gave at the office. This statement means, of course, that these people aren't interested in money at all. But I don't believe it. In other words, for them, money is not necessary to buy the latest media equipment and state-of-the-art buildings they boast of. It also implies that every church but theirs exists in order to gain money. It is simply not true. They would do well to read what the Bible has to say about giving.

6. During organ music, start craving ball park hotdogs. Organ music isn't for everyone, granted. I'm not much interested in it myself. But this kind of phraseology implies that there is no other kind of music that could possibly suit people other than theirs. Could this possibly be so?

7. Can only remember three commandments. Now there's a great qualification for a church member-ignorance. I know that a church meeting can gather people who don't know anything at all, but this is no virture. Will they kick them out once they learn more? It's like saying, "No mature Christians wanted." It's also screaming this message: "Come here and you won't learn a thing."

8. Feel guilty enough already. Christ relieves that guilt through His death on the cross. But God uses guilt to show us our need of Christ. A person without Christ should not feel good, but should feel sad about his or her sins. Shouldn't a church cooperate with the Spirit whose job it is to bring true conviction of sin?

Well, there you have it. I couldn't go to such a church.

 For one thing, this church is a bit too narrow for me. They don't have old people or people that are not dressed just like them, they turn down people who enjoy classical music, they don't welcome hypocrites, they are not interested in givers, mature knowledgeable believers are not welcome, and they don't want anyone who might think guilt is a means of bringing people to the gospel.

By Jim Elliff Click here for bio and archived articles