Sex
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Posted: 01/24/08
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SEX
There is perhaps no greater contrast concerning the ability to be a blessing or a curse than that of sexuality. It is God who invented this most powerful form of intimacy. Within the confines of the Creator's purpose for it, there is no superior form of human communion. The contrast is not so; for sexuality that is outside of God's purpose, there is only emotional, spiritual, and often physical ruin. So powerful is the passion, it often blinds of the consequences of impropriety. It is amazing that something that was designed by God for the great blessing of bringing children into the world, and for sharing intense intimacy between husband and wife has been used to bring about so much destruction. What destruction am I speaking of? How has sex been used to destroy? In order to answer this we must look at God's design for the sexual relationship.
I am more than sure that some who see the title of this article will gasp at a Minister speaking on such a topic. I mean to title an article "Sex" is to some people a bit to bold. Personally I think it is the job of a minister to speak truth on all matters concerning God's direction in the scripture. There has been a bit of a prudish idea about sex in general in the Church. You know what I'm talking about; don't mention the unmentionable word because somehow there is something wrong with it. I will never understand why Christians allow the world to frame the debate on issues. It may seem very bold to say what I am about to say, but here goes anyway. Sex is not only shown in the bible as the biological method of procreation. It is also shown as the communion of the husband and wife marking the covenant that they have made in their vows of marriage. Furthermore sex is quite clearly portrayed in the bible as healthy, loving, and dare I say?....Well…SEXY! "Did he say SEXY" ? Yes that's what I said. It is sad that so many Christian have been influenced by wrong thinking on this matter.
Our Father who created all of creation did so for blessing. We are going to look at sex from a number or biblical points. Let us look at sex first for procreation. God could have created us in many different ways concerning this. He could have made us like some of the animals. He could have made a yearly cycle in which men and woman would be completely without desire for any sexual contact until ready to mate in "season". The male and female mate, she conceives, and then it is back to no sexual desire until next season. It should be obvious that sex is for more than just procreation.
Of course it must be understood that sex was created by God for procreation but also much more than that. When God commanded Adam and Eve to produce offspring do you think he was only talking about the initial act of intercourse? In no way was God talking only about the initial act of intercourse when he designed marriage and procreation. Let me explain. God's design is that marital commitment leads to sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy leads to procreation, and continued sexual intimacy between the husband and wife provides a loving, and secure parental environment for the child to grow. The child does not know about the private sexual intimacy of its parents but experiences the results in watching the parent's example of what sexual intimacy creates in a married couple outside of the bed room. The child simply experiences the results of that relationship as the parents produce an example of the relationship of Christ and the Church. God devoted the design for procreation in the context of marital commitment. We must understand why commitment in marriage is the design of God for procreation. God's command to be fruitful and multiply was not simply a command to procreate in the natural sense only. It was a command to produce offspring that are raised in the commitment of marriage. This brings an understanding to the child of what marriage represents; the relationship of Christ and the church. Sex leads to the creation of a life that is more than just a physical being. What do I mean by this? Sex starts the process of life at conception from the natural stand point, but sex also continues to bring the couple into more intimacy and therefore it brings continued life to the child as the child experiences the results of intimacy manifested in the committed parents. A committed marriage that has sexual intimacy has great results for the child in that the results of the beautiful relationship of sexual love between the parents infuses a sense of committed love and security in the children as they see the increased closeness of the parents in everyday life.
This is why the act of sex is much more than just beginning of life at conception. Any healthy man and woman can have the act of sex and produce a child outside of marriage, but that child will suffer because of the lack of marital committed love. I would argue that the sex act is only the beginning of the procreation process in that the parents are to procreate not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. From this argument I believe procreation is a process that lasts for about eighteen years. God's design is to procreate physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The more intimacy the parents experience with each other, the more the child experiences the result of that beautiful relationship. I am speaking merely about how often but the quality of intimacy as well. How often a couple makes love will vary in life.
The person who has sex and produces a child outside of committed marriage, only accomplishes the beginning of God's desire for procreation. This is a tragic injustice to the child. Can a single parent love a child? Yes. Can a single parent do a good job raising a child? Yes. Can a single parent do the best job raising a child as compared to a man and woman who are committed in marital love, and who have an excellent intimacy relationship? The answer is clearly no. God's design is always best! This may offend you but I assure you that is not my intention. I am simply explaining that God's design is for the best. We should not be afraid to lift up what is best as the goal simply because many are not doing things properly. Even if a person is in a situation as a single parent by either bad choices or by no fault of their own, we still need to say the truth. God's design is what we should shoot for. The Devil has been working overtime to destroy everything that God has designed for relationships. We must resist the temptation to approach the subjects of marriage, sexual intimacy, and child rearing with political correctness. As Christians, our desire should be biblical correctness not political or cultural correctness.
What about the sexual relationship of a husband and wife outside of the procreative purpose? This is an important topic. So many people have problems in their relationship in the bed room. What an unnecessary problem that is. Let me first say that any physically healthy person who has a difficulty letting go and expressing sexual intimacy in the marriage bed has a problem that has nothing to do with the marriage bed. That seems to be a contradiction however it is not. The problem expressing sexual intimacy in the bedroom has everything to do with a person's individual problem with intimacy in general. Intimacy problems come from a number of beginnings. It may be a problem with past sexual abuse. It may be that there was not an excellent marriage seen in the parents. It may be that the person is insecure in general for a number of reasons. The problem is not one of a sexual nature it is instead a wrong view point about intimacy in general (with the exception of a abusive spouse). A person may for example, have been betrayed in many ways in life that have had nothing to do with sexuality at all and still that affects them with intimacy. Any intimacy problem can lead to sexual intimacy problems. So we see that sexual intimacy problems are a symptom of another root cause. Usually the cause has something to do with either wrong perceptions, or some kind of betrayal. Betrayal makes it very difficult to trust anyone. In order to have real biblical intimacy, trust is a must. For example some people who have been abused may still have sexual encounters outside of marriage that would seem to be of high quality from the physical perspective. This however is a lie because the end of this sin is disillusionment. Real and true quality in intimacy contains trust, marital commitment, and a desire to be completely free in sexual communion in the context of God's design. Sexual quality consists of physical pleasure, emotional pleasure, and biblical spiritual communion. This can only fully happen in a Christian marriage.
Why do so many have this notion that it is somehow less than godly to experience great sexual passion with their spouse? This is wrong thinking. I believe that this kind of thinking completely misses the biblical mark. We will now consult the bible concerning this. The following scriptures help us to understand God's will concerning this. In the book of proverbs chapter five verses one though nineteen gives us a clear picture of God's will. We will now study this verse by verse in order to gain understanding in context.
Proverbs 5:1 "My son, attend unto my wisdom; bow thine ear to my understanding:"
Here we see the plea to the reader to give strong attention to what is going to be said, and to "bow thine ear" (implication is to submit your thoughts to what is going to be taught you) to understanding.
Proverbs 5:2 "That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge."
The writer is clearly speaking here of what is necessary concerning what is about to be taught, that the reader's lips may keep and pass on the knowledge. This is to say that the reader would keep knowledge at the forefront of his thinking on the issue of what he is about to be taught. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:3 "For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:"
The point here is made about the clear and time tested weakness of a man. A "strange woman" refers to unchaste woman who is not the wife of the man. A strange woman will use her sexuality to grab the heart of the sinful desire of a man for sex without marital commitment. Notice here the inference that she uses her lips and mouth to tempt with words that are "smoother than oil." This means she flatters with a power that lures like sweet perfumed oil. She moves the senses of a man to desire her. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:4 "But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword."
The end result of giving in to her deception and temptation is bitter. She uses her sexual allure and just the right words with a sexual power that makes a man desire her, but her end is emotional death. She will cut your heart to pieces and burn your soul. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:5 "Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell."
She may seem to have what you need. She may flatter and attend to your carnal desire but her root is in death and hell. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:6 "Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them."
A man may think he has her under his control but in fact she has him in control when he gives in to his carnal passion for this strange woman. She has no strong godly footing that a man should trust her. Her's is the way of confusion, pain, and destruction. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:7 "Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth."
Here another plea is made to the reader to hear the words of wisdom. To hear like a child hears a trusted parent who knows the truth concerning a matter. The plea is not only to hear but also not to depart from the wisdom that is being imparted. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:8 "Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house:"
A strong exhortation is given here to avoid even seeing or talking to a strange woman. The advice to "come not nigh to her door" expresses just how powerful a woman like this is to bring a man to destruction. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:9 "Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel:"
A man loses his strength and honor when he gives his sexual love to a strange woman. It is a hook that digs deep in his soul that leads to years to cruel pain. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:10 "Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger;"
This verse gives us a sense of the destruction that adultery brings to a man and how it even leads to poverty in his life in other areas. The cruel pain of the hooks that the strange woman gets into a man leads him to further destroy other areas of his life. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:11 "And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed,"
The practice of this kind of behavior with strange women causes nothing but an end that is misery of mind, body and spirit.
Proverbs 5:12 "And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof;"
An unending lament takes place in the heart of the one who will not heed the instruction of this Scripture on the matter at hand. The constant unanswered question of why did I not heed the word of God plagues the mind of one who goes with the strange woman. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:13 "And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me!"
"Why have I been so stubborn and refused the wisdom of my elders?" Continuing:
Proverbs 5:14 "I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly."
"In the midst of the congregation" of believers there is still this evil that reminds me of my sin and unwillingness to heed the warning of the Word of God.
Proverbs 5:15 "Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well."
Now we come to the great instruction concerning a man's proper desire for his own wife. He is to drink of his own well. He is to find sexual and emotional satisfaction in the sexual communion of his own wife. This brings him not death but rather life and love. His wife brings him an end that is good and pure.
Proverbs 5:16 "Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets."
This speaks of the powerful testimony that a good and passionate marriage brings to all that are exposed to it. Truth and love are dispersed where passionate married couples have influence. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:17 "Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee."
Another reminder that sexual passion is reserved for married couples only. Continuing:
Proverbs 5:18 "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth."
There is a clear sexual meaning to the context of this verse. This speaks of a man having passionate sexual communion with his wife and the greatness of having children together in holy matrimony.
Continuing to the main point, we must understand this!
Proverbs 5:19 "Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."
The Hebrew word for "satisfy" found in this verse (hwr ravah - raw-vaw') is quite telling. It means - to make drunk, satiate abundantly.
Continuing in this verse we see the Hebrew word used for "ravished" (hgv shagah - shaw-gaw') which in this context means - intoxication, enraptured.
Continuing in this verse we see the Hebrew word used for "love" (ahab - ah'-hab) means – physical affection.
I think it is abundantly clear that God intends for a married couple to enjoy the sexual relationship that he designed as the means of procreation and the means a great communion and pleasure between husband and wife.
When a man marries a woman he is looking for communion. He desires intense lovemaking that expresses his wife's desire for him. When sex becomes a duty it ceases to be what God intended it to be. When a woman has a husband that attends to her sexual needs she senses her husband's desire to express his love for her. The "sexual revolution" has caused great pain and destruction in the lives of so many people spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
1) Spiritually because God intended that the sexual act to be in the confines of marriage and a consummation of the covenant between a man and woman. This covenant represents the relationship between Christ and the Church.
2) Emotionally because there are numerous people who have been jaded after years of uncommitted sexual relations. As a Christian Biblical counselor I often hear woman express this bitterness.
3) Physically because of the alarming increase in sexually transmitted diseases. Consider the following facts on this;
An estimated 15.3 million new STD infections occurred in the United States each year. STDs have a high human cost in terms of pain, suffering and grief. Here is a listing of four common viral STDs that are considered incurable: genital herpes (45 million cases), human papilloma virus (20 million cases), hepatitis B (750,000 cases from sexual transmission), and HIV/AIDS (500,000 cases from sexual transmission). (Source - The American Social Health Association (ASHA))
In conclusion I will say this; God is good, he made marriage, so marriage is good. He made sex for marriage, so sex in marriage is good! So, if you are married you should feel good about being always satisfied and ravished in your spouse's love. Enjoy!
Dr. David M. Berman
Senior Pastor, Author, Convention Speaker
211 Whitcomb Road
P.O. Box 10357
Swanzey, NH. 03446
Phone 603 352 9471
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